Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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