Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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