The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
