i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
