I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
