did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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