Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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