She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this just has baby written all over it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
