OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
