I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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