if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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