Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
