When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im holly from the hills drunk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
