I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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