Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
