Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
