The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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