The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
