meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
