Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
