hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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