babies were throwing up all over the place
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Randomize
