id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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