Your face is a jimmy john
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
