$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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