dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
