I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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