This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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