I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
