Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
