we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
