She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
