your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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