I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
