she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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