I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
