Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
