I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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