Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
