You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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