Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
