i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
