He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
