Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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