Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you win again, gameday.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize