Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
