Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize