I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
