I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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