Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
