vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
