just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
