You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
