why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
