I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
