i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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