You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
