Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
