yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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