somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
