It's Friday. Sex?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
