doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
