can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
