so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
