Cold hands, warm shart.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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