If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
