Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never underestimate the power of titties
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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