we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
