Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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