I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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