then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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